Why I Endorse Taking Drugs

But only if you want to

Nothing lasts forever, and if we’re being entirely honest, that’s the beauty of it all. Your laughs and cries all eventually come to an end. And because they do, so do your mistakes. Taking drugs, even occasionally for recreation purposes, is a mistake. But some mistakes are worth being made. If you have the inclination, drugs are one of those worthy mistakes.

I often don’t like life, I don’t want to die, but I find most experiences to be unenjoyable. Is that because I’m an asshole? Not really. I’m a collection of chemicals that are interacting in a disagreeable fashion. Drugs can change this. And I want this to change.

Marijuana was part of my life since birth. According to my mom, my aunt would blow weed smoke at me in the crib when I was crying to calm me down. I’m not sure if this is an ethical practice, but I’m not mad at her. After all, she was a bus driver, not a pediatrician. I remember when my aunt moved up at MUNI and left the Mission District behind for Daly City. She used to tell me the ever-present fog in Daly City was from all the stoners in San Francisco. I would to run around to anyone who would listen and proudly inform them of this “fact.”

When I was in Middle School, I started smoking weed with my mom. I didn’t really like it, but I didn’t dislike it either. I was fascinated by how different I felt under its influence. I was anxious, yet calm. My vision wasn’t blurry, but everything had a distinct haze to it. I would make discoveries that were impossible to confirm, but made sense to me. I remember one day I figured out the letter S. You see, the S sound sounds like when a snake hisses, and the letter is shaped like a snake — so whoever came up with the design of the letter was probably thinking about snakes. Real stoner shit.

I didn’t understand why drugs worked or that drug use is just a high-risk science experiment where the researcher is also the primary source. I just knew that when you took them, things changed. Weed wasn’t the only drug that my family used. A few of my family members also used Methamphetamine and Heroin, and not all of the experiences that resulted from their drug use were positive. I used to be upset by this, but that was only because I looked at them as selfish and destructive. I perceived them as addicts. But my perception was part of the problem.

While they may have been addicted, and their behaviors may have been destructive, I have grown to see them as self-sacrificing chemists who embarked on a journey of self-discovery with the hopes of achieving a more enjoyable reality. Which, in my view, is respectable.

The brain is fascinating and still not fully understood by those among us bright enough to tackle its complexities. But what we do know is that the brain is influenced by chemicals and electricity, and we know that slight alterations to the chemical compounds in your brain can vastly alter what you experience in the short term.

The profound effects of this fact dawned on me most recently. I had a tumor in my spine that was pressed up against my nerves. The last few weeks before the surgery were excruciatingly painful. But then the doctors gave me a knight in shining armor by the name of OxyContin.

Despite the physical reality of the my tumor, this little hero made my pain disappear while also making every muscle in my body feel like a million tiny hands were massaging every fiber they could find. Life wasn’t just enjoyable, it’s was blissful.

After the surgery, when most of the pain subsided, I still had a few pills left over, and, you know what? I popped them and it felt fuckin’ amazing.

Did I become an addict? No. Am I hounding drug dealers for pills? No. If I had them, would I take them again? Absolutely. Because I want to feel good, and the world has a way of making me — making us all… feel bad. The tumor is gone and my nerves are healing, but the pain of everyday life still sits inside of me. Just like it sits inside of all of us.

Addiction is painful too. But if the pain of life is greater than the pain of addiction, who are we to judge the addict? They found a way out while you’re still trying to find a way in. I’ll take a blissful delusion over a brutal reality any day of the week.

Do what makes you happy, and if drugs are what makes you happy, do them. Because life, just like your high, won’t last forever. Might as well spend the finite time you have on this fucked up planet pursuing the pleasure because the pain is gonna come no matter what.

If they don’t make you happy, don’t do them.

It doesn’t really fucking matter.